Season 9: NBC - May 8, 2003 (re-run September 11, 2003)
COMPLETE THESE SENTENCES FROM THE PROGRAM (showing probability or advisability, usually with modals or adverbs):
Charlie: So, shopping
today, which is my least favorite thing, I'm so bad at picking out clothes! Joey: So you need someone who knows fashion, to tell you what looks good. Rachel: Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me! Joey: Oh hey Rach! Rachel: Yeah... Joey: Charlie shopping. Rachel: Oh, well... Charlie: I'm sure you have better things to do. Joey: Are you kidding? Rachel loves to shop! And she has great taste! Yeah, she's the one who taught me you
don't wear white after Labor Day and that underwear when you're trying on clothes. Charlie: If you have the time, the help. Rachel: Ok, yeah, !! Joey: Ok, with some very
classy clothes... and some slutty lingerie, SLUTTY!
Joey: What's the matter, Pheebs? Phoebe: Oh, Mike's sister just invited me to a party tonight and there. And she was like "Oh, ! I asked him and he's totally OK with seeing you!". So now
so that I'm totally ok with seeing him! Rachel: Which you're not, because you're totally hung up on him! Phoebe: Exactly! Rachel: And him to eat his
heart out so fabulous! Phoebe: I didn't even think about that! Ah, sexual politics!! Rachel: Hey Pheebs, Charlie
shopping. and
you find something. Phoebe:Ok, great! Joey: Oh, isn't that nice? The three of you trying on slutty lingerie together. Rachel: That's not what !
Doctor Connelly: Well, given your situation, the options with the greatest chances for success would be
surrogacy, or insemination using a sperm donor. Monica: Ok. Doctor Connelly: And, of course, if you feel that neither of those is right for you,
.
Charlie: So you're up for keynote speaker! Ross: Yeah. Charlie: the decision? Ross: Professor Sherman,. Yeah,
with him today. Charlie: He's a pretty tough guy to impress. Ross: Yeah, well... I think I know how to dazzle him. Rachel: Oh... a magic trick,
are you?
Ross: a minute, you guys. Oh,
I want to ask you something. to speak
at this paleontology convention and if I do, and hear me. Chandler: I think that we
all have family issues, work stuff and/or are sick. Ross: It's in Barbados. Chandler: But you come first! Rachel: I'm there! Charlie: you guys!
Chandler: Well... there's surrogacy, but Monica's dreamt her whole life of carrying a child. She just felt that
watching a surrogate would be too hard for her. Joey: So you're ruling out surrogacy? Chandler: Yeah. Joey: So, what that means?
Chandler: Aside from adoption the only other choice is insemination, so we're talking about sperm donors. Joey: Enough said, I'm there for you man. Where is she, upstairs? Chandler: ah-ha! Ross: How do you feel about all this? Chandler: I wish there was an easier way for us to have a child but I don't think there is one. Joey: Come on Ross, a good guy.
and do it! Ross: What? ... What? NO!
them Ben!
Ross: I mean, we've been accepting Leakey's dates as a given, but if they're off by even a hundred thousand years
or so then most of our
assumptions, you know, right in the trash. So what I am saying is that huge! I mean, not just in paleontology, but, if you think
about it, in evolutionary biology, genetics, geology, ... I mean, truly the mind boggles! ...... Well, that's not what
you want...
Shop assistant: Incentive For Men? Phoebe: Oh, some of that. Rachel: Pheebs, that's for men! Phoebe: No, I know, but this way when to the party later, I am
over him because like another guy.
Yeah. ..... Ok. Oh good, I'm dating a Russian cab driver. .... Seriously, does anyone buy this? I smell like beets! Charlie: So, you know what? I really like those jackets with the shoulder pads in them. Where do you think those
would be? Rachel: On Melanie Griffith in "Working Girl". I think what you want is over here. Charlie: See, I told you I needed someone! Oh, you know, by the way, as a "thank you", you out. Rachel: Really? Charlie: Yeah! Actually to a movie tonight. Want to come? Rachel: Oh, . .... because I've
seen them. Charlie: You've seen all the movies... Rachel: Yeah! I'm a big fan! .. of the movies, you know. Motion pictures. The Talkies! Phoebe: Hey Rach, with me to a
dressing room? Rachel: Sure! Phoebe: Ok! Charlie: Well, you know,
something else! Rachel: You know, that depends on what it is! I've done a lot of stuff.
Rachel: It's just physical and I have it totally under control! Ok? It's just, when I see them together, sometimes
I just get a little jealous! Phoebe: Wow! Isn't it ironic that he liked you and now you like him? Rachel: I get it! Phoebe: All right. Well, as long as it is under control, you know, I mean, anything about it. He's already dating her, and she is a nice
person. That wouldn't be right. Rachel: I know, I know, so it is just not a big deal. Phoebe: Yeah. Rachel: So this between us?
Phoebe: Sure! Rachel: Ok, great, because out of
here. The smell of beets is killing me! Phoebe: Oh. Phoebe: Any chance Charlie has a deaf twin?
Monica: Hi honey! Chandler: Hey! Look I brought a friend home for dinner. This is Zack, from work! Monica: Oh, of course. It's so nice to see you again, Zack! Zack: You too. Chandler: You guys haven't actually met before, but, boy, are you both polite! a seat Zack, and you a beer. Monica: I got it. Zack: Thanks. Chandler: So, Zack's pretty nice, huh? Monica: Yeah, I guess. Chandler: So, how a baby
that's half yours and half his! Monica: Excuse me? Chandler: Well, we're talking about sperm donors and the guy! I mean, look, he's intelligent, he's healthy, he's athletic, I mean, he's
"spermtastic"! Monica: Chandler, this is crazy! What did you even say to him! "Come up, meet my wife! Give us your sperm"! Chandler: No, I invited him to dinner so a chance to get to know him! You know, I mean, if we go through a sperm bank you never meet the guy, get to check
him out. Monica: Chandler! Chandler: I'm telling you, he's great! I mean, even if my sperm worked fine, I think he'd be the way to go! Monica: a part of this!
some random guy home and
expect him to be our sperm donor!
Rachel: Oh, God, do you think she heard? Oh, it would be so bad if she heard! Phoebe: Well, ! Ok
into that dressing room, and see if me. Rachel: Ok, great!
Rachel: Oh, thank God a
word that you're saying! Phoebe: I didn't say anything yet! Rachel: Well, back in there and
talk! Phoebe: "I'm Rachel. It's so annoying when I put Emma on the phone to talk with my friends." Rachel: What!? Phoebe: Well, some things are just hard to say to your face. Rachel: Ok well, I heard that! Which means that she heard it too! Phoebe: Oh! We have a problem. Rachel: Oh! What ? Stranger: honest with her.
Ross: I'm meeting with professor Sherman about my being the keynote speaker... Joey: Oh! How's it going? Ross: better! He .... fell
asleep! Joey: What!? But I already bought my ticket to Bermuda! Ross: Barbados. Joey: Fine, a car and drive...!
Ross, that job! Ross: What ? He's out cold! In fact
he was just talking in his sleep before and evidently he wants someone named Fran to "spank him harder." Joey: Well, him up! Ross: ! If he realizes that I'm
the one that put him to sleep, the
job!
Monica: Hey guys! Dinner's ready! Zack: Oh! wash up first.
Thanks! Chandler: So what do you think? I want this guy's genes for my kid! Those eyes, those cheekbones! Monica: Ok, there's enthusiastic and there's just plain gay!! Chandler: You don't like him. Monica: I think he is fine! It's just that we don't know anything real about him. I wish we could get more
information. Chandler: Alright! my lead!
Zack: You guys have such a great place here. Chandler: Oh! Thanks, I'm crazy about our place. Hey! speaking of crazy... do you have a history of mental illness in the family?
Rachel: Alright! it.
over there and just see if she
heard. Phoebe: Good plan. Rachel: Ok. What..? where? Where are you going? Phoebe: Oh! I'm sorry Rachel, I don't have time for your childish games, OK? find something incredible to wear so Mike at "who's more over who"!
Phoebe: Are you sure? Because I am really dreading going to this party. Joey: Then ! Phoebe: Mike knows . If
, it's because of him! And then face! That's a very serious thing in my culture. Joey: Alright, then to that
party and to be over Mike. And
afterward to my place and
you good and drunk! Phoebe: You got it! Ok. But not on the wine that you made, ok? Because I just don't want to go back to the Emergency Room.
David: Well, remember how I was trying to achieve the positronic distillation of subatomic particles? Phoebe: Yeah? David: Well, after eight years of research I discovered that .
Phoebe: I understand. Yeah. OK so then OK, so we're both living in New York, not seeing anyone. That's so not like
us! David: Yeah, I know. Well... a
stupid question, seeing that you look like that, but do you have some place that right now? Phoebe: Well... no. David: a drink? Phoebe: .
Zack: now. me go home, aren't you? Chandler:You sure you don't want to stick around a little longer? Zack: No, no, home, I'm kind of
tired. Chandler: Are you just tired now or are you always tired, because a sign of clinical depression. Zack: No it's just tiring having to figure out the age at which all my grandparents died. you tomorrow. Chandler: Ok. Chandler: I think we've found our sperm! Monica: He does seem pretty perfect. Chandler: Yeah, you think so, well? him? Monica: No. Chandler: Why? Not just because his great-grandmother was obese? that from you anyway! Monica: No, that's not it. It's just that when we were asking him all those questions before, I just realized I
don't care if he is the most perfect guy in the world... he's not you. Chandler: Yeah, he's better! Monica: No, he's not. And if
pregnant with you, then I don't want to get pregnant by him or anyone else. Chandler: Really? Are you sure? Monica: Yeah, I'm sure. Chandler: Thank God, because I don't want to do this either. You know, I was just doing because I thought that was
what you wanted to do. You know, I'm the husband, the sperm. Monica: That is so sweet.. (That's) why I love you. Chandler: So you know this leaves us with... Monica: .... adoption. Chandler: How do you feel about that? Monica: I think I feel OK about it. Actually I think I feel really good about it. Chandler: Me too. I want to find a baby that needs a home and I want to raise it with you. And I want to mess it up
in our own specific way. Monica: So this is it, ?
Chandler: Yeah. Monica: Oh my God, parents! Chandler: great parents. Monica: And soon. I mean, think
about it: right now, somewhere out there . Chandler: Wait, if we're lucky, and we're really, really, really quiet,
the sound of a condom breaking!